then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
