so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize