She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
