This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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