I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
