i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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