dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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