I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
