You're completely useless in the revolution.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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