How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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