Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This toilet bowl is my home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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