I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
