I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
