I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
