Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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