Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
worst night to have a conscience
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
