It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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