How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
