I think I won the penis lottery.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
