Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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