Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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