But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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