The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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