I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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