Already got asked if we're dating
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
