the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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