She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize