in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
