Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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