I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
