you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
