Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
