it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
