Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

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  (814): I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party. http://tfl.nu/nrd6
  Replies (16) Good night (3211) Bad night (678)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A

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  (814): I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A http://tfl.nu/j0fk
  Replies (25) Good night (6555) Bad night (690)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom

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  (410): I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom http://tfl.nu/r4rn
  Replies (67) Good night (835) Bad night (6288)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."

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  (786): He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets." http://tfl.nu/13ll
  Replies (17) Good night (7776) Bad night (1390)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night

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  (281): It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night http://tfl.nu/xp13
  Replies (9) Good night (959) Bad night (1210)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap

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  (774): Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap http://tfl.nu/vchr
  Replies (3) Good night (1316) Bad night (492)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.

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  (519): You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew. http://tfl.nu/ni79
  Replies (2) Good night (883) Bad night (401)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".

  (801): View more from Utah

  Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.

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  (801): My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt". (801): Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment. http://tfl.nu/n7lf
  Replies (1) Good night (972) Bad night (691)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man

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  (864): Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man http://tfl.nu/sja1
  Replies (4) Good night (861) Bad night (378)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?

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  (418): Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me? http://tfl.nu/ltm0
  Replies (4) Good night (514) Bad night (671)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...

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  (+44): Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer... http://tfl.nu/gvjp
  Replies (1) Good night (636) Bad night (464)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Are you proud of yourself?

  (407): View more from Florida

  ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.

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  (772): Are you proud of yourself? (407): ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off. http://tfl.nu/2m9x
  Replies (2) Good night (1068) Bad night (414)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.

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  (412): I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life. http://tfl.nu/i42f
  Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (485)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee

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  (469): Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee http://tfl.nu/me1d
  Replies (1) Good night (243) Bad night (146)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.

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  (360): Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America. http://tfl.nu/0i2b
  Replies (5) Good night (302) Bad night (146)

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