There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pete Davidson Says He Uses His Father’s Death To ‘Last Longer In Bed’ With Ariana Grande
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman’s Apartment Hunt Takes A Wrong Turn When Broker Accidentally Sexts Her
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
