Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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