Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday

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  (248): I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday http://tfl.nu/yta3
  Replies (83) Good night (1446) Bad night (10171)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Whatever it was. it was pregnant.

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  (304): Whatever it was. it was pregnant. http://tfl.nu/utv2
  Replies (6) Good night (693) Bad night (4703)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  wtf you measured my hair?

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  (604): found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long (1-604): wtf you measured my hair? http://tfl.nu/f3a1
  Replies (20) Good night (1402) Bad night (4553)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

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  (904): taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport http://tfl.nu/zg9o
  Replies (20) Good night (6820) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.

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  (301): Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning. http://tfl.nu/0np0
  Replies (6) Good night (5526) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.

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  (267): he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain. http://tfl.nu/91dn
  Replies (13) Good night (4458) Bad night (914)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?

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  (972): Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday? http://tfl.nu/8ic0
  Replies (3) Good night (2161) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub

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  (616): someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub http://tfl.nu/yova
  Replies (1) Good night (1811) Bad night (638)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.

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  (317): You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order. http://tfl.nu/45qd
  Replies (7) Good night (848) Bad night (1642)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.

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  (610): It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock. http://tfl.nu/i24l
  Replies (22) Good night (2060) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.

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  (+61): I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden. http://tfl.nu/335z
  Replies (2) Good night (1188) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.

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  (715): I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt. http://tfl.nu/rg1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1342) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.

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  (773): my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka. http://tfl.nu/3a5u
  Replies (0) Good night (595) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.

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  (303): He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/2d6a
  Replies (6) Good night (1360) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants

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  (423): You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants http://tfl.nu/9mg7
  Replies (2) Good night (443) Bad night (219)

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