Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho