I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs