This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.