I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
