Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?