drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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