well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
