whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
People in love make me want to vomit
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
