thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
