I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
