her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
