his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
