I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize