Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...