I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."