I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?