I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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