my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
