i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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