she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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