Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
