Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
