I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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