that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
