Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
