you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
