He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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