i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
