I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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