how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
