where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize