But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
