ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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