PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, beer. Big fan.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
