I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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