Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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