I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
