You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
