you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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