You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
