Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I FOUND THE LEGS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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