You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
