i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
