I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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