My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
