if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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