He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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