shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
