i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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