i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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