Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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