he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
