Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
