He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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