I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
