a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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