You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
